


but did you imagine it? (in a different way?)

by pensivecowboyemoji



Series: to know him is to love him [1]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Cardassian Anatomy, Fluff, Genderqueer Elim Garak, Light Angst, M/M, Other, Proposals, Trans Julian Bashir, just some dudes in love you know how it is, neither is particularly plot relevant but im the trans author so its canon now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensivecowboyemoji/pseuds/pensivecowboyemoji
Summary: "And why this sudden interest in my hands, my dear?"Julian continues to stare at their hands, a half smile across his face before he looks to focus on Garak. The smile widens into a grin, his eyes sparkling."Hands! Elim, they're the way we interact with the world!" Garak sees the opening, and before Julian can rectify his mistake:"The way, my dear doctor?” Garak’s voice is dramatic, deliberately misconstruing the doctor’s point to get a rise from him. “My, on Cardassia we use all six senses at our disposal! You humans really are strange crea-""Garak!" Julian's reply is indignant, but his grin doesn't falter. They're playing their game.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Series: to know him is to love him [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2059722
Comments: 26
Kudos: 60





	but did you imagine it? (in a different way?)

**Author's Note:**

> So. gone and dumped myself in this massive hyperfixation on ds9 (and garak in particular). I've been thinking about cardassian anatomy and courting rituals for the last three days straight. with no break. help.  
> title from regret by everything everything which IS a very garak song. fitting.  
> Enjoy!

Julian murmurs something, too quietly for even Garak's heightened Cardassian hearing to pick up. The doctor reaches out to take one of Garak's hands, cradling it gently in both of his. He inspects it, analysing like he would a sample in the medbay. (Garak holds back a snide comment about it - he can't fault the doctor for his wide-eyed curiosity.) 

Garak watches, amused smile on his face, as Julian inspects the Cardassian's fingers; how the nails are darker and thicker than a human's, curved and blunt akin to the claws of a terran dog. Then he presses their fingertips together, raising both their hands up until their palms are pressed together. Garak smiles, and Julian giggles a little. 

"What, dear?"

Another giggle, "I've always found it so funny. That your index finger is so much longer than the others, and your thumb is almost the same length as the rest of your fingers." 

Garak frowns, bemused. "And what about that causes you to giggle so gleefully, hm?" 

"Oh," He replies, "lizards on earth have very similar hands. But they have more joints… It's just an interesting coincidence that you evolved lightyears away and are still so similar!" 

He pauses. He’s never looked into terran animals with any depth, but it _is_ certainly a strange coincidence.

"And why this sudden interest in my hands, my dear?" 

Julian continues to stare at their hands, a half smile across his face before he looks to focus on Garak. The smile widens into a grin, his eyes sparkling. 

"Hands! Elim, they're the way we interact with the world!" Garak sees the opening, and before Julian can rectify his mistake:

" _The_ way, my dear doctor?” Garak’s voice is dramatic, deliberately misconstruing the doctor’s point to get a rise from him. “My, on Cardassia we use all six senses at our disposal! You humans really are strange crea-"

"Garak!" Julian's reply is indignant, but his grin doesn't falter. They're playing their game. "You know exactly what I mean!" He slaps Garak's palm away in mock-frustration, then continues, matter-of-fact. "Humans are born with very poor sensory development, we can't see half the colour range until a good few weeks after being birthed!" His voice takes a wistful tone. "Touching, holding a parent's finger in our fist, feeling for things around us, finding new textures and sensations to experience is the first way we interact with the world!"

Garak smiles, besotted. He does enjoy when his Julian rambles like this. 

" - for example! I can see, hear, smell, taste things, but I don't truly understand it, what it is, how it fits into this universe, until I touch it!"

One of his warm, gentle hands reaches out and traces an eye ridge. His voice softens, suddenly becoming unbearably tender. 

"Garak, I could become blind, could lose my hearing. Hell, both! But I would know you. I'd only need to touch you to know it was you."

Julian's been staring at where his thumb is tracing his eye ridge, but their eyes meet for a second. (Neither of them particularly like eye contact, but in moments like this, where he can see the conviction in Julian's eyes, the ferocity and depth of his love... for _him_ , of all beings. It alleviates the discomfort. It’s always surprising to know he's _loved_. And so reassuring, knowing the human sat in front of him would go lengths to protect him. He ignores the voice of Enabran Tain telling him to take advantage of his naivety and basks in the gaze.) 

Then the moment is over, and Julian goes back to inspecting his hands. He traces the ridges running from knuckle to wrist gently, fingers featherlight. He then spreads both their fingers, slotting his between until they meet the webbing that joins each finger at the first joint, and then presses their palms together a second time. Garak's breath stops in his throat. It's hardly Julian's fault, he undoubtedly has no idea what Cardassian courting rituals look like, that an interlocking of the fingers is a promise of sorts. 

"I find it interesting, too." Julian starts, his voice taking that gentle cadence again. "That so many cultures _communicate_ through their hands. Oh, growing up I took a few lessons in Federation Sign Language. I'm disappointed I never kept up with it."

Garak hums, "Well, dear, you certainly have the brains to succeed if you choose to pick it up again. We had a similar language, but it's fallen out of use over time. Our society… doesn't take too kindly to disabilities."

Julian grimaces, shakes his head in disapproval. There's a moment of silence, and just as Garak's about to ask him what the matter is, the man speaks again, suddenly nervous:

"You- erm. From my research into Cardassian culture you also." He stops, takes a breath. "You… Communicate certain things with your hands." 

(And oh, how Garak loves to see humans blush, the way it spreads over their cheeks.)

"Hm?" He replies, nonchalant. He's not certain he's caught the doctor correctly, and he _does_ hate to assume.

"A-and um… Particular. Ways of holding one's hand. Can imply certain things…"

Julian trails off. He looks like a lost puppy, to be truly honest. Almost his entire face is a shade of dusky red.

"Yes, my Julian?"

"Well. I was wondering." He stops, huffs. He pulls their joined hands towards him, and presses a kiss to the back of Garak's hand. And then, almost shyly, meets his eyes again. The contact seems to embolden him, and he gently unlinks their hands, twisting his and grasping the Cardassian's wrist. It's not a strong grip, Elim could quite easily twist out of it and leave the doctor's quarters, rejecting the formal request of Enjoining. They'd been "partners" formally for the last few months, but had been floating in that in-between space of friends and lovers for much longer. Was this too fast? 

And not to mention his enemies. It was only a short while after Tain had died, and while it was unlikely any Cardassian could come to the station without his immediate knowledge, the doctor made humanitarian trips to ailing planets every few months. An ex-obsidian operative could easily track him on one and kill him.

Even so, his current relationship also put Julian at risk- _any_ kind of relationship with the doctor made him a target. He frowns. 

"Elim, if you don't want to accept, that's fine. It won't change anything, I still love you." The doctor's soft voice breaks through his thoughts. 

"It's not that," Garak sighs frustratedly. "Perhaps… Ask me again, after this war is over. I'll answer you then." 

Julian's smile is radiant, and he presses another kiss to the back of Garak's hand. "Later, then." He resolves in agreement. "I'm on duty starting in a few minutes, but if you could spare an hour for dinner at the Klingon restaurant?" Garak nods, pleased. "Alright then! I'll see you later" He lets go of his wrist and slaps his thighs as he stands up. It's a peculiar human thing he's noticed, but not all of them seem to do it. He makes a note to ask Julian about it later, and reaches out to grasp the man's wrist, pressing a kiss to the (smooth and ridgeless) back of his hand. 

"Later." He replies, squeezing the wrist gently before releasing it. And judging from the expression on the doctor's face as he walks out the door, he understood exactly what Garak meant. 

**Author's Note:**

> The art is credited to my good friend and person who got me into this whole mess, dan! you can find them on [twitter](https://twitter.com/xenizat) and [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/xenixat) check them out! i'm personally a massive fan of their work and above honoured they did this for me. thank you!!  
> i have EXTENSIVE headcanons abt cardassian courting rituals and that Proper Cardassian Proposals for Enjoining is that you grip each others wrists and make strong eye contact and then speak some like. fuckin. vows or something. all cardassians tend to do it but the rich ones hold parties about it.  
> pressing the palms together is a gesture done by friends and family, linking the fingers is something reserved for romantic partners. Julian learnt about this from ziyal one night in quarks after they both kinda get shitfaced and start bitching about quark. 
> 
> Also! I'm also avaliable on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/zer0-pharaoh) and just recently made a [twitter](https://twitter.com/trekmenkisser)  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated as always!


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